..

There are days that do not end
and nights that last forever
And this feeling-it does not pass
for it still feels like pain.

I do not sleep anymore
dreams are not what they used to be
they are dark-but also happier
than I used to feel

I feel like I'm going insane
like nothing can save me
like I'm closer to the edge
prepared for my own falling.

I'm tired of feeling like this
every day
every night
and every busy afternoon
when I am surrounded by people
by friends
by persons I used to think I love
and that loved me back.

I feel like I do not belong anymore
in people's lives
like I am an outsider
even when I look from within.

The ones who hold me when I hurt,
are the ones who are now blind to my suffering
I haven't been good for a long time now
and nobody seemed to notice.

My heart pounds fast,
whenever I see you
whenever I love you
whenever you love me back
you seems like my only salvation

whenever you hold me
whenever I remember how you always did
whenever you don't
whenever I'm going to sleep alone
whenever you don't hold me like before

there are mixed feelings about everything
i'm happy when the sun shines in the morning
i'm also sad when it does; for the silence of the night
is going to leave me
alone
fighting with my insides

how are you supposed to behave
when you feel so deeply
and so far away
from what you think you are

from what you were

from what you thought you'd be

what are you doing then

when you don't understand shit anymore
when you feel like
you are losing it
all